brautigan

When I saw my friend Stan the other day he loaned or gave, I'm not sure, a copy of Revenge of the Lawn, a Richard Brautigan collection of short stories from the 60's. I told him it was like being reacquainted with an old friend I hadn't seen in years. Added a link to a website I found. The opening line of Revenge of the Lawn, 'My grandmother..', I had just opened my last blog 'Sadie Mae' with the same just the night before.

A side note, when I hit the coast of Oregon in '76, it was past midnight in Coos Bay, as usual I gravitated to the nearest tavern, ordered a shot of Jack, I could drink whiskey when I was 25, someone sidled up to my table where I was drinking alone, it was pouring down rain by the way, he wore a confederate uniform, we drank for a while, and he asked if I was headed to San Francisco, I said I suppose so, don't have any other place to go. So all that night we travelled down Highway 101, made it to the Golden Gate about sunrise. I dropped him off about a block east of Haight-Asbury.

My Name

I guess you are kind of curious as to who I am, but I am one of those who do not have a regular name. My name depends on you. Just call me whatever is in your mind.

If you are thinking about something that happened a long time ago:Somebody asked you a question and you did not know the answer.

That is my name.

Perhaps it was raining very hard.

That is my name.

Or somebody wanted you to to something. You did it. Then they told you what you did was wrong. "Sorry for the mistake," - and you had to do something else.

That is my name.

Perhaps it was a game you played when you were a child or something that came idly into your mind when you were old and sitting in a chair near the window.

That is my name.

Or you walked someplace. There were flowers all around.

That is my name.

Perhaps you stared into a river. There was somebody near who loved you. They were about to touch you. You could feel this before it happened. Then it happened.

That is my name.

Or you heard someone calling from a great distance. Their voice was almost an echo.

That is my name.

Perhaps you were lying in bed, almost ready to go to sleep and you laughed at something, a joke unto yourself, a good way to end the day.

That is my name.

Or if you were eating something good and for a second forgot what you were eating, but still went on, knowing it was good.

That is my name.

Perhaps it was around midnight and the fire tolled like a bell inside the stove.

That is my name.

Or you felt bad, when she said that thing to you. She could have told it to someone else:Somebody who was more familiar with her problems.

That is my name.

Perhaps the trout swam in the pool but the river was only eight inches wide and the moon shone iDEATH and the watermelon fields glowed out of proportion, dark and the moon seemed to rise from every plant.

That is my name.

And I wish Margaret would leave me alone.

OBSCURITY

On the weekend, after laundry and house cleaning, I often go around the corner to the local bar, have a few beers, watch some sports, and play the juke box. Found a friend there who appreciates my selections, no matter how obscure. The master of her universe, she sifts down the bar, engaging conversations and dispensing smiles as freely as the libations. Never forgets a name, a face or favorite drink.
I've done the math...2 1/2 times...aaah! forget it.
Just glad she's my friend.

SADIE MAE

My grandmother was born in 1890 on a small farm, just east, Philadelphia. At fifteen she was working in a broom factory downtown at the river by the old Hygrade plant. Married my grandfather when she was 16, lived on Douglas St where the campus is now, my father born in '08, moved to Brightwood in 1910. During the great flood of 1913 (there's still a plaque at the Michigan St bridge commemorating the building of the levee) the whole west side flooded. She put up her relatives for many months.
She'd tell me stories as she cooked, and I'd be seated at her kitchen table with cheese and crackers and milk. I listened.
My grandfather travelled when he was young, out west, ending up as a cook in a logging camp in the northwest.
I travelled when I was young, out west, worked for a while on a ranch in Wyoming. Moved on to Oregon and then down to San Diego. Came back across the mountains and desert to Santa Fe.

Been from Tucson to Tucumcari
Tehachapee to Tonopah
Driven every kind of rig that's ever been made
Driven the back roads so I wouldn't get weighed
And if you give me weed, white sand, wine
and show me a sign
I'll be willin'

I mention this because my continued wanderlust and passion for telling stories, rise from those memories like the aromas from that stove.

STIMULUS PACKAGE

Rebates are like worms put back on the hook, hoping the fish will bite again.

I am offended when the president, secretary of the treasury, and leaders in congress refer to me only as a consumer.

"This package will lead to higher consumer spending and increased business investment," Bush said in hailing the agreement.

My idea of a stimulus package is much different but I am restricted within this blog.

Kennedy said he wants "to strengthen this package to provide unemployment insurance to workers looking for jobs and to help families coping with high heating costs and skyrocketing food prices."

Not to mention health care. I had the unexpected and unfortunate opportunity to experience the current state of health care myself in the past year. Even though I had insurance, and thank god I did after just a couple days stay in a hospital and numerous unnecessay tests that proved nothing, the diagnosis was that I was getting old and smoke and drank too much, Hell! I could've told them that, the overall cost was staggering but just my copays and deductibles still have me wondering how I can recoup. The current discussion on providing health care to all Americans has taken the wrong fork in the road. Until someone is willing to take on the pharmaceutical and insurance industries and the growing conglomerate hospital corporations, the cost will continue to rise. Instead of trying to figure out how to give more away to them, let's concentrate on spreading out what we already have to those who need it most.

Listening to the old men debate this morning in the breakfast bar I go to, their simple wisdom was undeniable. The candidates should listen as well.

BLIZZARD OF '78

I was working downtown in a bank building. The snow started around 2am that Thursday morning, by 7 we weren't going anywhere. The company put us up in the Hilton at Meridian & Ohio. We, five of us, blasted out of the parking lot through a 4ft drift. I remember looking out a 6th floor window across Ohio toward the Bell building, couldn't see it. The hotel didn't have much food, they put out a cold buffet. We got hungry later that night and decided to make a go for White Castle. Driving up north Meridian was other worldly. The street was blown clean, the snow in drifts up to 2nd story windows. We made it to 16th & Illinois, White Castle was open. We got some sliders and headed back. The city was shut down for three days, not much moved till Saturday morning. A hundred year storm. I hope never again, but it left some indelible memories.

THESE THINGS TOO

I check Stan's blog a few times a week. Suprised to find I had been mentioned in one. All that he said was true, especially about our friend Mike. He was a great friend to me, but not exactly sane. My favorite saying of his was, "I'm getting me an Uzi and I'm goin' to the mall." He wasn't kidding, although he never did it. I still miss him. Stan is a friend. You can link to his site from mine. He did inspire me to start my own. I don't try to imitate him. His blogs are sophisticated, intelligient, knowledgable, informative. Mine are mostly just fun. Thank you.


"question and answer"

he sat naked and drunk in a room of summer
night, running the blade of the knife
under his fingernails, smiling, thinking
of all the letters he had received
telling him that
the way he lived and wrote about
that--
it had kept them going when
all seemed
truly
hopeless.

putting the blade on the table, he
flicked it with a finger
and it whirled
in a flashing circle
under the light.

who the hell is going to save
me? he
thought.

as the knife stopped spinning
the answer came:
you're going to have to
save yourself.

still smiling,
a: he lit a
cigarette
b: he poured
another
drink
c: gave the blade
another
spin.

--from The Last Night of the Earth Poems

Charles Bukowski (1920-1994)

BILINGUALITY

I speak two languages, unfortunately the other is Latin. Don't run into too many Romans.
I was always told;"When in Rome..."
Immigration. Hot topic on the campaign trail, fear and loathing. I'm close to making a decision.
In '68 I was torn between McCarthy and Kennedy, then Humphrey and the party elite took the nomination, and we ended up with Nixon. Don't let this happen again.
The Clintonization of the Democratic party opened the door for a mediocre man, manipulated by ideological agendas. NAFTA was supposed to be part of the solution. My neighbor lost his job.
I am not a protectionist or an isolationist. Globalization is a fact.
In the summer of 2001, I was stranded in Nebraska. A center of meat processing. Illegality ignored. Finally got a Trailways home to Indy, 18 hours. Packed with young Central American women and screaming babies. In Omaha, around midnight, a large black man boarded the bus.
We slept in the back seat till Des Moines. We started talking. He was headed to Chicago, had a gig that night at Buddy Guy's. That's another story. The point being; me, him, and the bus driver alone spoke English.
Bush,Clinton,Bush,Clinton-Who's next? Jenna then Chelsea?
Edward's populism is resonant. Corporate excess and revitalization of unions. But what then?
As the rest of the world surges ahead.
There was a movie in the early 70's. Henry Fonda was a leading hopeful. The campaign got ugly and he threw his support behind a relatively unknown. In the last scene, they exchanged glances across the stage, a puzzled look on the nominee's face. Henry's mentor questioned the wisdom of the choice. He responded: "Sometimes the office makes the man."
I prefer a question mark? After all, we've survived the last eight years.

AFTER LUNCH

Life itself is enough.

While riding on a train goin' West
I fell asleep for to take my rest
I dreamed a dream that made me sad
Concerning myself and the first few friends I had

UGLY AMERICAN

As a recession looms, the culprit appears to be the under consumer. I am guilty. It's not that I stash all my money in a mattress. I spend it, all on rent and utilities and gas and food (a few cigarettes and some beer). None left over for new cars, big screen TV's, Ipods, or Wii's. Don't want'em anyway if you please. Maybe we should look elsewhere, perhaps to greed.

ERUDITION

Found an old VHS video in my collection, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Depraved but funny. The opening has a quote by Dr. Samuel Johnson, "Men become beasts to avoid the pain of being human." I've experienced my share of savagery lately.

Been reflective and reflexive lately, trying to write a piece on the primitive, doing research, and finding it's all been said before. Milton's Paradise Lost, for one. Feeling that tension between the natural and the spiritual, good and evil, free will and determinism, etc.

I read some Jean-Jacques Rousseau, from the age of reason, whose ideas had much influence on romanticism.

Of course I read some Bible, always good. My favorite book Job, probably the most beautifully poetic and least understood. The image of the Devil negotiating with God for your soul is a little disconcerting. Also, 1 Corinthians 13, "When I was a child, I spoke as a child, understood as a child, and thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see through a glass, darkly;"

Sometimes the visual has more impact than the verbal, bypass the brain and go straight to the gut.

SNAKE CHARMER

HENRI ROUSSEAU

WORLD EVENTS,POLITICS,RELIGION,CULTURE

Don't have that much to say about those things, just my own opinions.
More put to task living day to day.
A die hard,Catholic,Kennedy liberal. Shame on the L-word.
Shame on Democrats who shun the label like leprosy.
Only Ted still shouts loud and proud.
Some attractive concepts, populism and change.
I wonder though if before we move forward, we need to step back.
Sluff off these extra layers of skin that Bush has wrapped around us like cocoons.
Isolated from the world, alienated from each other, insulated from our own feelings.
When waterboarding is being debated as torture or not, how far have we come.
We need to revisit and renew the values for which we're supposed to be fighting,
The torch we're supposed to be holding up to the world.